Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
