The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
we're making bets on your personal life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.