How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again