it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.