Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants