Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.