I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'