I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.