man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
