DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
