somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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