There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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