Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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