Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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