So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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