it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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