im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
