After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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