You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it's like heaven, but drunker
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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