those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just pee around me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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