The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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