i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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