I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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