Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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