I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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