I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
