Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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