; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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