So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
