I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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