We're facebook friends in real life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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