I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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