i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
