I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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