big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
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Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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