I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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