how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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