His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so much tequila, so little girl.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
