I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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