I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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