i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
