how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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