Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize