frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.