do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?