just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.