he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
