she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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