Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize