2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
