the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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