I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
