69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
