Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
