i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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