how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
