I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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